Monday, November 28, 2011
Thinking about the future
So, I went to the craft fair Saturday. I'm sure some of you saw me tweeting about it throughout the day. I enjoyed myself and talked to a lot of people. I did not however, sell as much as I was hoping to. I think that had a lot to do with the fact that everyone was out shopping at the retail stores for the sales going on. I was able to collect some money for the Stockings for Soldiers Fund I've been helping a friend raise funds for. I'm hoping to check out another craft fair on December 10th to see if it would be a better one to attend next year. I'm glad I went, I really did enjoy myself. I'm planning on opening an Etsy shop soon, just need to take pictures of everything, but I'm not a very good photographer! LOL
Wednesday, November 16, 2011
Exposed
I'm not sure what's going on, but I just haven't felt motivated to make jewelry lately. Yes, I've made Christmas jewelry, but that's been from pictures I saw on websites that gave me major inspiration. Now I'm left with the beads I've picked out and the random ideas in my head. Am I depressed? Or am I scared people won't like my stuff? Or maybe a little bit of both. I think it's more being scared really. I know some people have said they like my stuff, but I haven't sold much of anything and I really think I don't have the confidence to put myself out there. There was the possibility of a custom wedding order this past Summer and I made this sample piece that was sort of based off another piece the client showed me. I ran around for three days trying to find everything I would need and had to make sure I'd be able to get more so I could make 10 of them if she wanted them. But when I showed it to her she changed her mind. I think that kind of shot down my confidence in my ability to create something out of nothing. I don't really like to show my weaknesses and be vulnerable because I don't take it well when I feel rejected. I know it's been months since this happened, but maybe it's still affecting me. I like to create things and I like to use my imagination. I even used to write, but hardly anyone ever read it unless I wanted them to. I also used to paint and crochet and again, I didn't like to show my work to a lot of people. Same thing with my piano playing too. I love to play, and I'm good, but I don't want to play in front of people. I need a way to build my confidence and self esteem up and I know the only way to do it is to put myself out there, but I'm scared. I don't even know if I have the guts to post this right now...but I know I should.
Monday, November 7, 2011
Around And Around I Go LOL
So I haven't posted in awhile and I wanted to update everyone. My dad has been doing a lot better and is now in physical therapy twice a week. He's still taking anxiety medication and it seems to be helping. Because my mom works full time it's basically up to me to take my dad to all of his appointments these days. Today I was up at 7am to take my mom to work so I could have the van to take my dad to his doctor appointment this morning. Today it was for his physical, tomorrow is his therapy. After his appointment we ran some errands, including getting lunch at Chipotle and I found out they now offer brown rice on their menu. We tried it with our burrito bowls instead of the white rice and it was delicious. After we finished our errands we came home and my dad laid down to take a nap. I took advantage of the quiet time to watch some TV and relax until time to pick my mom up from work by 5pm. When we got home I started dinner. Yesterday, after church, my friends and I went to our pastor's house for lunch (we do this every week) and one of the women made a casserole of ground beef, brown rice, red peppers and tomato sauce. It was delicious and I went back for seconds. :-) Well, today I wanted to try another version for dinner. Here's the recipe I came up with:
Pepper and Onion Mess
1 ½ pounds ground turkey (or other meat of your choice)
2 red peppers
2 green peppers
1 medium onion
6oz. egg noodles
1 14.4oz. can diced tomatoes
1 15oz. can tomato sauce
2 cups mild cheddar cheese
Brown turkey in pan, spoon out into baking dish. Cut up peppers and
onions and cook them in the turkey juices in pan, salt and pepper to taste.
Boil egg noodles and combine everything into the pan with the turkey, sprinkle
cheese over top and bake in 350 degree oven for 15 minutes, or until cheese is
melted and everything is heated through.
My parents both loved it and I had two platefuls, LOL. I hope someone else tries it and likes it as much as we do!
Thursday, October 13, 2011
More Changes...
It’s
official, I e-mailed my academic advisor and I’m withdrawing from college. I
feel like my time is better spent being here for my parents. My dad went back
to the ER the Saturday we were in Austin for the Android BBQ. My mom had called
to tell me, but also told me not to worry and to try and enjoy myself. I tried
to do that, but when there wasn’t some sort of excitement going on I couldn’t
help but wonder how he was doing and what was going on at home. The hospital
was still maintaining that his problems were all in his head, something called
convergence. I’ve heard of it before, but I had a really hard time believing
that was the real problem. However, because the hospital couldn’t find anything
else wrong with him it was the only answer they had. So that Monday my mom took
my dad to his primary care doctor and after he looked at my dad’s tests he
decided that his convulsions were indeed because of the high levels of Dilantin
in his system. So the doctor lowered his dose of Dilantin and told my mom to
keep an eye on him. When I got home late Tuesday night I was happy to see him
sitting in his chair watching TV and looking really good. I gave him a hug and
we talked for a while. I told my parents all about the trip (well, the sober
parts I could tell them anyway, LOL). So far it seems he’s been good. He told
me the other day he felt like an episode was coming on so he took one of his
pills and lay back down. The hospital gave him these pills for stress. He’s
supposed to take them if he feels an attack coming on, so that’s what he did. I’m
glad he told us and I’m glad he knew to take one of his pills. He’s been doing
physical therapy to try and build the strength in this legs back up. We found
out awhile back that when he got hurt on the job about 15 years ago now that he
had broken his leg, but the hospital never checked that so we didn’t know. He
always complains about his leg hurting and now we finally know why. It’s good
that we know, but I wish there was something we could do. I don’t think my mom
would be willing to talk to a lawyer and see if we could sue the hospital for negligence
though.
Well, I’m
sure you’re wondering why I dropped out of school, again. It isn’t just that I
want to be here for my parents. It’s also because I’ve gotten to the point
where I dread doing my school work these days. I’m so bored with what I’m reading
and the classes I was assigned this term were so technical and confusing that I
just knew I would fail again and trying to pay another $1500 for a school term
out of pocket is out of the question. So I thought about it for a few days and
I think this is what’s best for now. I want to be able to relax and do some of
the things I’ve wanted to do for a long time. Maybe after the first of the year
I’ll look at a different school and a different major. Maybe something in art
or maybe just a general studies degree because I know a college degree is
important these days and I would be the first on my dad’s side of the family to
graduate from college. Maybe, just maybe I’m not meant to go to college, we’ll
see. In the mean time I don’t want to give up. I’m going to try and find a job
and take care of things here at home. I could probably ramble on and on about
all the things going through my head right now, but that would bore people so I’m
just going to end here and hopefully I’ll have another update soon. I know I
still need to post pictures from the BBQ and I will…I PROMISE! J
Wednesday, September 28, 2011
Things Change Fast
As I sit here and listen to the thunder outside as a storm
approaches and I wait for 2am to get here to I can begin my 26+ hour trip to
Austin, TX for this year’s Big Android BBQ I thought I would write a blog post.
Here goes…
Monday, September 26, 2011
Some Good, Some Bad, Some In Between
Since my last blog post not much has changed with my dad.
They did more testing and so far nothing has come back definitive. They were
supposed to do an MRI of his liver today because they saw some spots on it but
the machine is down so that will have to wait. They don’t seem that concerned
about them at this point, they just want to make sure. If they don’t like what
the MRI shows or doesn’t show they might do a liver biopsy. Other than that the
only other explanation for these “pseudo seizures” as his doctor has called
them would be psychological. They talked about the possibility of sending him
somewhere nearby to be observed via video camera so they can see what happens
when he has an episode. My mom and I found out today that my uncle who is no
longer with us had a tumor on his pituitary gland and that caused him to have seizures
and that was the reason he eventually passed away because it couldn’t be
treated. They don’t think that is what’s going on here, but at least they have
the information. My aunt never told us anything about this, so the fact that my
uncle had these seizures came as a surprise when my other uncle mentioned it this
morning. We set up this meeting this morning because when my mom was talking to
the doctor yesterday we could hardly understand what he was saying over the
phone. His accent was so thick I even had a hard time, and I can usually do
pretty well. It’s really starting to get frustrating because we want to get my
dad into rehab for physical therapy so he can come home soon. My mom needs to
go back to work and life really just needs to get back to normal. We never
imagined this is where we would be when we took him to the hospital two weeks
ago.
Time for a
change of subject; some of you may or may not know I’m in college. Well, at the
end of term at the end of June my GPA was low. So low in fact, that I was put
on Academic Probation. It was partly my fault and partly the fact that I’m
terrible at school. So, this last term that just ended we paid for out of
pocket. I took one class and it cost $1500. We paid it in three payments over
the course of the term. I say we because my mom has been helping me all along.
So, after this last term my GPA was still low because again, I struggled in my
class. After that I knew if I wasn’t able to get financial aid there’s no way I’d
be able to stay in school. I didn’t want to give up, so I e-mailed my advisor
and within about 20 minutes she called me back. She told me that they had
changed the requirements for my major so some of the classes that I sucked in
wouldn’t count towards my GPA if I switched over to the new catalog, so I did
that. So now I need to talk to someone in financial aid, plus return at least
one of the text books that I already got and reconfirm my schedule because one
of the classes for the upcoming term is also not required for my major anymore.
I’m trying to get all of this taken care of NOW because Thursday of course I’m
leaving for Texas (see y’all at the BBQ!!) and I won’t get back until the very
beginning of term, so I NEED this done now. I’ve been so stressed and worn out
from dealing with my dad that I haven’t had it in me to deal with this too. But
I also don’t want to take a break from school because it’ll be that much harder
to go back in a few months. I’d rather just push through and keep going now.
Monday, September 19, 2011
My First Blog Post
Who would
have thought my first blog post would be about my family? Not me, that’s for
sure. There’s been a lot going on this weekend and it’s still going on as I
type. Friday night around 11pm my dad was trying to go to bed, but couldn’t. He
hollered for my mom and told her something was wrong. His breathing wasn’t good
and he was shaking. She called for me and I came up from the basement to see
what was going on. I went into the bedroom and saw him sitting on the side of
the bed and he didn’t look good. I asked him if he felt nauseous, he said he
didn’t know so I put the trash can in front of him. Then I asked him if he was
hurting and he said no. I also asked him if his breathing was ok and that’s
when he said no. That’s when we decided to call 911. Mom sat with him while I
got dressed and vice versa. We wanted to be ready for the paramedics and to go
to the hospital with him too. The paramedics were great, as were the nurses and
doctors in the ER.
We were
sitting in the ER for a good four hours and they admitted him and once he was
settled in his room we had to come home and get some sleep, or at least try.
After tossing and turning until about 11am, I got up and got ready to go back
to the hospital to check on my dad. My mom had called the hospital and talked
to my dad’s nurse and some other things. They told us he didn’t like the CPAP
machine they gave him to use so we packed his up and took it to the hospital
for him to use.
Sunday I
decided to go to church, I needed to do something else other than sit around
and wonder how he was doing. I also got to be at our Pastor’s son’s dedication,
which was really nice to be a part of. Afterwards we went to their house for
lunch and spent some time with everyone. My mom had a chance to stay home and
get some things done. We were also able to clean up some things and do some
grocery shopping. Mom has been taking time off while dealing with all of this.
This morning
there was some drama with some of the family. They seemed to think that
everything should have been put on hold and we should have been spending every
waking moment at the hospital with my dad. Now, that’s not to say we didn’t go
visit him, obviously, but my mom and I are the only ones running the house. We
had to buy food, pay bills, clean, take care of our cats, and um hello, rest.
So, my mom told it like it was and put them in their place real quick. We’ve
been through this before and sitting at the hospital 24/7 does nothing except make
us crazy with worry more so than being at home. At least at home we can get
things done. And believe me, my dad always calls and my mom calls the hospital
to talk to the nurses and my dad too. Plus, our house phone is always ringing
with someone calling to check on us and him.
Anyway, the
nurse had mentioned something about the possibility of him being sent home this
morning and that freaked him out because he’s not in any shape to come home
yet. The nurse also gave him some papers to read about Dilantin toxicity. He
thought it was paperwork for him to sign to be discharged, but we quickly put
that to rest. That’s when we found out his Dilantin levels are higher than
normal and that’s what they think is causing his symptoms because all of his
tests have come back negative or normal. His heart, lungs, brain and everything
are ok. This was the only thing that came back as abnormal, so that’s the only
thing they have to go on at this point. This evening when we went to visit him,
he had the paper sitting on his table and after reading it, I agree because the
symptoms he had are listed on the paper. The therapist said that over time the
Dilantin will work its way out of his system and his symptoms will go away.
The rehab
place he’s being transferred to is close to home, walking distance as a matter
of fact. We’re hoping he’s not going to be there more than two or three weeks
because it will cost a lot of money as his Medicare will only cover the first
20 days, then after that the co pay has to be paid out of pocket. Normally, the
supplemental insurance would pick up after 20 days, but the rehab place we
chose doesn’t take my dad’s supplemental insurance and that would cost us a lot
of money. We took a tour of the place and it’s really nice, so we feel good
about the place. There’s even a woman from our old church that has been there
for years and she likes it there, so that makes us feel better too. Not sure
what time tomorrow the transfer is going to happen but they are supposed to
call and let us know so we can be there. My dad gets anxious and it always
asking if we’re going to visit him. He’s always afraid that we’ll get tired of
him or something.
I’m really
hoping that this blog will focus more on my jewelry that on my dad to day
events, but I know what’s going on in that department is going to affect my
jewelry. I recently ordered a bunch of supplies from Fire Mountain Gems and
when it gets here I’m going to be up to my butt in supplies and hopefully
making lots for the craft fair I’m doing this November. Keep an eye out and I’ll
post more as possible.
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