Sunday, December 16, 2012

Am I Crazy?

Am I crazy for wanting to make my own household products, hygiene products, be more organic/natural and home school my future children? Sometimes I feel like people look at me like I have 3 heads when they hear me say these things. I guess because a few years ago you wouldn't have heard these things come from my mouth? I don't know, but ever since I was introduced to these alternatives, I've fallen in love with them. I've always liked the idea of being a stay at home wife/mother, but with all the violence in the schools these days and the falling standards of education, home schooling seems more and more like what I want to do so I know what my children will be learning. I realize there's so much in the world today, toxins and chemicals, that it's impossible to stay away from all of it, but if I can control even a little bit, I'm going to control what I consciously put into my body for as long as I possibly can. So, I ask again, am I crazy? Maybe. Crunchy? Possibly. But, I'm ok with that.

Wednesday, December 12, 2012

Is It Even Worth It?

Sunday I was over a friends' house and we were talking. Talking about health, weight loss, religion, the past, the future, everything. It had been a long time since we had talked and a long time since I'd talked to someone about these things. It was nice. She's on Disability because she has anxiety, PTSD and depression...I think I got that right, if not, I'm sorry! Anyway, I mentioned the fact that I think I have depression, among other things, and I had thought about seeing if I could apply for Disability (it was actually my uncle's idea). It's not that I don't want to work, I want to, but it seems like all the jobs I've had have made me absolutely miserable and they just push me deeper into depression, no matter what. Maybe it's the jobs I'm taking, maybe it's me. Who knows. She asked me if I think I have depression and I told her maybe. She asked me if I have certain symptoms, soreness, being tired and emotional, etc. and I do. I'm concerned though that if I start down this path I'll end up going to a counselor and they'll want to put me on some kind of pill to try and "fix" me. I've been on a major organic kick lately. I've been cooking healthier, giving up synthetic medication for natural remedies, using homemade deodorant and toothpaste and using pure Castille soap in the shower. It's all made a big difference and I don't want to back slide. I know there are lots of side effects to taking these pills too, that's another reason I don't want to take them. She also told me that if I were to do this I would need a lawyer. And that they would put me through all these hoops and I'd get denied the first time, but that I can appeal the decision. I just don't know if it's worth it. I also know that people on Disability get a bad rap. Especially people that don't have anything OBVIOUSLY wrong with them, like physically, like my uncle with his amputation, or my dad getting injured at work. I don't want anyone to think I'm lazy either. I really do think there's something wrong with me, but maybe not. Who the heck knows. Maybe if I'm this torn about it it's not worth it. I still want to make and sell jewelry and I'd love to teach once I finish my degree, but I also want to use my Special Ed degree to home school my children, should I ever meet a guy, get married and have a couple of kids. Though even that's seeming less and less likely, but I try not to think about it too much.